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After nearly all of my keynotes, I speak with audience members. They often tell me what resonated (or didn’t!) with what I shared. One thing people regularly thank me for discussing is our collective burnout and our struggle to really show up at work with energy and spirit. They express feeling this way but thought they were the only ones. They thought they were depressed or lonely. They thought it was them. But I think it’s us.
I watched a TikTok video recently by a woman recounting the passing of a coworker who died suddenly and unexpectedly. In the video, she talks about how the company packed up her stuff, and work kept going. Nothing stopped, or even paused. While this feels like an extreme story, this woman finds herself asking a question I think we’re all asking right now: What's it all for?
Something has happened to us over the last few years, and it’s continuing. We’re all wondering how to make meaning and find value in our lives. Burnout is a sign that something's not quite right with us. Something is missing, and I think it's love. Loving each other, finding love in our surroundings and at least some of our daily activities, even finding love at work.
I might not be alone. In the same Mandy Patinkin show I referenced last month, Mr. Patinkin told a story about some words he learned early in his theater career, “If you love someone, tell them.” As a good Jewish boy who always observed Shabbat and participated in all the services and ceremonious rituals that came with the religion, he had never been as spiritually moved as he was when he heard those six simple words. “If you love someone, tell them.” It became a big part of how he lived his life and he made a habit of expressing his feelings to the people that he cared for the most.
That resonated with me. I couldn’t get in touch with that part of myself for the longest time. I wasn’t a hugger; I didn’t express affection to many people. Yet, his words have been sitting in me since that night. “If you love someone, tell them.”
As I get older, I’m starting to change and realize that love may be one of the simplest (though not easy) paths to overcoming our existential questioning. Perhaps the only thing that can save us now is being open to and interested in each other. That’s a bigger purpose that can help us navigate right now, maybe not with ease but with heart.
Studies have shown that having just one friend at work makes work better. But we can do better than that. We can be in relationship with people at work. We can have love for the people that we work with. We can show appreciation, acknowledge their wins and efforts, genuinely ask how they’re doing—and listen to their answers. This is called companionate love—it isn’t hard, but it isn’t something many of us naturally express. We think love is for our families, partners, and friends. But we have more love than that, and showing it to people in our lives can be powerful. That's certainly something I try to practice in my work and life.
Last month, I was having a particularly trying time, and to help cope, a friend and I went to Palm Springs to visit a mutual friend for whom I have nothing but deep respect. One afternoon, we were bobbing up and down on pool noodles in the deep end, and I looked at my friend and said, “I wanted to come here and tell you I love you. You have been a wonderful mentor and a tremendous influence in my life.” I had never said anything like that to her before. We have a solid friendship, but not necessarily an intimate one. But she responded by saying, “I love you, too.”
There was something about those few days. We weren't talking about work; we were talking about life. Well, we talked about work a little, because work is life, right? But we talked about everything while floating in a pool in the sunshine, and it was freeing, golden, and glorious. And I think it’s because it was all the heart.
So, what’s it all for? Maybe love. I want to go back and tell people I love them and make more space and intentional time to be with people I care about. I want to spend time outside and do things that are simpler, quieter, and from my heart. As I write this, a breeze is blowing through my screens, flowers are blooming, and the sun is filtering through the trees like wild glitter. These are the things that fuel my soul because they’re simple and they’re lovely.
As we move forward with whatever feelings, exhaustion, and challenges we have right now, let's hold space for people desperate to be seen, heard, valued, and loved. And let's give each other grace. Let's take a page from Mandy Patinkin’s book and better communicate how we feel about the people in our lives. I've started to say, “I love you,” when I hang up the phone with friends or as we’re about to part ways after a meal because it matters and it’s simple.
I’m not saying all we need is love, but what if we started there?
June is Pride month, so you’ll see many more queer-themed stories and posts in your feed. After liking posts or thumbs-up social shares, take your action further.
June is also the month we celebrate Juneteenth. If you aren’t familiar with Juneteenth, you can change that by reading this history.
Here are some ways you can celebrate and honor this important day:
In tech, embracing change is necessary. I recently did that and joined TikTok. Follow me for quick-hit commentary on leadership, work culture, humanity in business, or trending business topics. If there is a question or topic you want me to address, email me and let me know!
I’ve had so many people say to me over the years, “What can I do about work culture? I’m just one person.” I unpack this question and what people can do about it with Russel Lolacher on his podcast. We get into micro-cultures, unlearning traditional norms, and the agency everyone has at work.
Listen to “The Surprising Ways Employees Can Impact Company Culture with Nancy Lyons” on Russel Lolacher’s website
“Love is the ultimate expression of the will to live.” — Tom Wolfe
